Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Hello, Hello everyone!! There is one week left until Christmas, and since I will be leaving town early next week to go visit family, I will not be able to post anything. So on the topic of Christmas, I'd like to invite you into our home during this SPECIAL holiday. SPECIAL holds many meanings for this blog because of the following: It's my man's and my first Christmas together in our home, this is the first time I have put up a real tree since I was little bitty, this was the first time I got to put decorations up both inside and outside of the house, AND because the majority of the ornaments on the tree were hand picked individually by me and my man.

If you didn't catch that last part of the last sentence, please re-read it....and ask yourself why I would allow HIM to pick ornaments?? OR why would I let him go shopping with me?? Maybe you can help me figure out the answer, because I sure as heck don't!

Exhibit A: These are the types of filler ornaments we used. They are simple, elegant, and do the job.

The following of which you are about to view is the mistake of allowing my man to roam the store and ALLOW him to pick out special ( in hopes that they are pretty, sweet, elegant...etc.) ornaments for our tree that will make it more personal. Well, it was personal all right.

Exhibit B: What you don't want your man to come back with (MINE DID!). A pink flamingo with a cocktail and a HOT PINK polka dot chicken with acutal feathers on it...UM YUCK!

What in the heck was I thinking letting him help me with shopping?!?! Your guess is as good as mine. Although my tree is now festive and makes me want to enjoy what that flamingo is drinking (in hopes that it will blur my image of what they really look like, into something more "fancy")...I'll be slightly happy to see these boogers get packaged up for a year. Having them around, however, reminds me constantly of my ever so humorous man who enjoys a good laugh or two even at my expense. You gotta love em ladies....you just gotta love your men!

Enjoy your Chrismas everyone!! And have a drink...on the flamingo!

Cheers,

The girl without a traditional Christmas ornment (Megan)

Chance Encounter II

It didnt take me long to self destruct. I had a great job that any other smart person would have taken care of. But i had just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years, I was makin the kind of money that most of my friends parents were making, and I had too much free time. I need structure. And I need rules. And at that time in my life I needed someone to sit me down shake the shit out of me and tell me to get my act together. Before I knew it I had lost my job, I was on the verge of losing my house, and i was going broke. But that didnt stop my partying. I realized quick that i needed to work so I used my charm and out of desperation, I got a job at a staffing agency as a receptionist. I hated it and I was getting paid less than half of what I was getting paid at my previous job. I had to bite the bullet though if I wanted to keep living on my own and supporting my party habits. The first few days werent bad. I hated answering the phones but i wasnt above any of the work I had to do. Alan started working there a few days after me. Haha I knew right away he was related to Russell. Those boys have a certain look to them. Its hard to miss. He introduced himself and I asked if he had a brother named Russell and wouldnt you know Russell was his baby brother. Nice. Our conversation about Russell lasted a whole ten minutes. I told him about my crush on Russell. He told me about an incident that involved Russell, that best friend of his my sister used to date, and a gun. My heart hurt for him and the situation he had been in but Alan said he moved to Missouri or Maryland somewhere along those lines to get away and out of trouble. He was a runner. One thing we had in common already. Alan was nice and he made that job a little easier to bare. But I didnt stick it out more than two weeks there and I didnt pursue Russell any futher. I had guys within a stones throw why would I want a guy that lived in Massachusets? That next month of my life was a blur. I ultimately made the desicion to move to south Texas with my parents. It was a choice that im positive saved my life...TBC

-Mandy Blake

Where did I go wrong???

For starters, sorry bloggers for Mandy and I being M.I.A. over the past couple of months. School started for us and well....it got the best of us as you can tell. But now it's holiday time and we can catch up on things. That is if anyone is still reading this.

I was originally going to start off this blog with my first Man's Man Christmas stories so far...but last night I expienced something that MUST be told right now. Enjoy my letter. Yes I said letter.

Dear Hot water heater/Shower Duo(Team...whatever!),

I clean you. I keep you from being covered in the daily black grime that is attached to my man. I apologize for his dirtiness by the way. I can't even stand it at times. I make sure you look beautiful on a daily basis (or atleast try...living with a man makes it hard at times). I unplug your drain hole daily. I keep your shower curtain placed nicely both while showering and when not. I pick up after my man when he leaves his empty soap bottle and bundled up wash cloth on your bottom. But most of all....

I don't expect much out of you. Just that you help me clean myself. AND I hope and pray every night that you will make my experience enjoyable by providing me with a nice hot shower, during these exceedingly FREEZING months most of all! And when that handsom, loving man of mine decides to shower first and use whatever luke warm you are able to provide during this winter season, I hope that you will be able to surprise me with the gift of a hot shower (after all I do take care of you). Whatever the case may be, you have failed me...repeatidly, and last night was the last straw. Did I do something wrong???

Last night took me for a complete spin howerver when you gave me nothing but a cold shower...after this was done to you?!?!?!?



Yes...you lovely duo...that would be the work of my Man's Man. For some odd reason he has decided that the wash cloth rack and the bottom of the tub are no longer good enough places for his wash cloth. Instead he has found a way to magically hang it up on your gorgeous cream colored walls that I scrub. Is this how you want to be treated? Like you are nothing...after you give him the best showers ever and leave me hanging (sorry no pun intended). I don't know if you and I can keep this relationship going any longer. Enjoy being humiliated, used, and abused (My man found this very humurous by the way!).

Sincerely,

Your previous maid....the girl without her hot shower
Megan

(PS-You know you live with a Man's Man when he thinks its funny to hang wash cloths like the above example...mind you its been holding that position for almost 24 hours now. I don't know whether I should be impressed or really grossed out. I guess if he finds humor in it, that's all that really matters. NOT!!! I still want my hot shower!!)

The following is an e-mail Mandy sent me after I told her of my shower occurance...enjoy ADULT crowd:

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.

Beside Every Man

Is a great, intelligent, strong woman....right?

I have been let down a numerous amount of times in relationships. Am I to blame? I know going into things I should have an open mind and heart because after all I have no business being in a relationship if I don't. I go into a relationship knowing what I'm looking for AND knowing that even after I get involved, there are so many things that can occur. One has to be willing to except the change and if not get out and find something new. After all, we can't actually change the person ourselves; they are going to have to change on their own. And if we really do love and care about them, why are we trying to change them? Come one people.

I'm not married, but I do live with a guy. In the past few weeks my world has done a complete 180. I went from living the college life in off-campus dorms with girl roommates, to living in a house with girl roommates, to living on my own for two years, and now this...

I came to the realization that things aren't really different from his side of it either. He has lived alone for a couple years now too. We both are very independent, but living alone has only increased that. Going into this living situation, we didn't know what to expect but we did know there are going to be things we both don't like that the other one does. In other words, we are just going to have to deal with it, communicate, and adjust.

I am VERY guilty of having OCD moments and freak outs (especially when I just cleaned the counter or the dishes out of the sink and then more junk appears). After three weeks, I'm slowly realizing that I'm freaking out over small things and I need to control myself. Going into this big move, my grandmother, mother, sister, and married friends have all told me the same thing..."HAVE PATIENCE MEGAN!" I'm willing to be the first to admit that I do lack in that department, so starting today (or soon haha) I'm going to start being more patient. Working with the man. Communicating. And realizing that the more patient I am with him, the more patient I am with myself and the things that happen around me. We have to start somewhere right...

Women (AND men!) in my family have gone through a lot in their relationships and this is my proof of showing you how well their patience holds...enjoy!


My Grandparents:

My Parents:

My Sister and Brother-In-Law:

PS-MY BROTHER IS SINGLE! (He is still waiting on that woman to stand by his side). Any takers??

This song is to remind all of us ladies to have a little patience, and just stand by your man...




Yours truly,

The girl with one less OCD moment---Megan Marie

Chance Encounter

I've never given much thought to long distance relationships. I've had friends that were in them. I had seen them on movies. Read about them. But it never went any farther. Then I found Russell. I've known about Russell since I was a freshman in high school. He was a senior at the time and my older sister was dating one of his good friends.

I will never forget the first time I saw him. My sister HAD to go out that night and my parents told her she could sure yeah go ahead. BUT she had to take me too. She argued and complained and I understood but my parents werent changing their minds. So we went to "the movies" which actually turned out to be a party. OMG my first high school party!! Haha you could imagine how excited I was and how long it took me to get ready. I don't remember exactly what I wore but it was something along the lines of faded boot cut jeans, a black vneck shirt that was way too low cut for a 9th grader (it was a party!!), black boots (with a heel because i've ALWAYS wanted to be taller), and I'm almost positive it was cold outside so I had my mother's awesome black leather jacket. I used to love raiding her's and my sister's closets! The ride over there was pretty typical. Act like you dont know me dont stand next to me dont even look in my direction dont talk to any guys and dont drink anything that anyone offers you. Not really. MOM STOP READING REAL QUICK. She actually asked what kind of boones farm I wanted and made me swear I wouldnt tell my parents any bit of what I was going to see that night.

I dont remember his entrance. I dont even remember my own. I dont remember meeting him or anyone else that night. I couldnt tell you what he was wearing or if we exchanged words or glances. But I remember the first time I saw him laugh. I loved his smile and his bald head and how everyone in the room was drawn to him. I gushed about him the whole way home and big sister wasnt havin it. I even talked to her boyfriend in the following days and he wasn't havin it either. Six years would pass until I heard his name again....TBC

I heart chance encounters,

-Mandy Blake

Pantie-less

Dear bloggers,

I don't have any pictures today because what I have chosen to briefly write about is slightly disgusting. Yesterday (I hope!), Tim's cat threw up. I'm guessing it was a hair ball of some sorts; I didn't inspect it! AND I'm guessing it was from yesterday (crossing my fingers!). I spent 4 hours cleaning our house when I noticed this ugly spot on the carpet that I knew wasn't from our dogs. On top of the table, close to where this lovely occurrence took place, is a bowl of random napkins from Little Ceaser's Pizza. Now ladies, hopefully we all are very aware of napkins not being a heavy duty cleaning tool and when scrubbed harshly into a damp carpet (Resolve mixed with hair ball...yum!), the end result is crumbles of what use to be a napkin with a chubby Greek man on it.

Yes, you guessed it! Tim decided to clean his lovely cat's hairball up with the Little Ceaser's napkins which then became a mush (sp?)/moosh (sp?) of hair ball and napkin crumbles. Yuck! When I noticed he did that, I said my normal phrase I say to Tim,"Seriously?? Who does that?"

Followed by a"Everyone should know that napkins aren't durable, especially when cleaning up a mess like this!"

His response: "It's clean enough right? Do you see the hairball anymore? Don't get mad at me! I'm just trying to help."

My response: "Tim, there are now napkin crumbles embedded in the carpet that I just cleaned." (Note: I like how I completely disregarded in this statement that the cat threw up! I've been around Tim too long!)

I give him props for helping, trying, attempting, etc. He is currently in training...I'll keep you guys posted on how well it turns out!

On a side note: Tim's dog Fritz (who is a male <---in case you were wondering), ate a pair of my pretty black panties this weekend. Yes ate! AND he threw a piece of it up in his dog kennel. He's in training too...when are guys going to learn they can't always get into a girls panties! And when am I going to escape this 'throwing up' phase my household pets are going through! Hopefully, I'll be getting a couple pairs of Victoria Secrets garments from Tim for my troubles. HAHA : ] Kidding MOTHER!



Enjoy the rest of the blog...

So my lovely mother sent me an e-mail with this in it after she read my blog. Although it's semi-harsh in parts with some not so good choice of words...It's funny. So get over it, read it, enjoy it, and freaking laugh a little because it's Monday and I hate Mondays!

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart, and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks,
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash won't be annoyed,
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more,
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'How big is my behind?',
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.


MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute
gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t
The End.


PS-Whatever woman wrote this poem...had obviously not been in a relationship with a Man's Man. Or maybe any man for that matter. If something out there exists like that let the cat out of the bag...there are women in need out in this world! AND I'm glad I have NOT come close to even being around a guy who thinks like that...I mean I think I'd punch him! I'd choose losing my whole kitchen of forks over that any day!


Yours truly,

The girl with one less pair of panties (why am I always the one who is 'one less" something??)

Megan

Dorky, Corky, Forky

Hello bloggers. For my first blog, I would like to introduce everyone to my handsome huggable lovable roommate, Tim. It's because of him, two days ago, that I finally came to the conclusion that I don't just live with a man in his 20's, but I live with a "Man's Man" in his 20's. You know...the kind of guy who gets home from a long hard day of work and decides to strip in the middle of the living room down to his skivvies and socks. Lets not avoid the fact that he also sits down, on perfectly perfect furniture in his sweaty boxers and opens up a 'cool one.' Just makes a girl melt!! <----each and everyone of you I'm sure has encountered this at one point and if not you will learn to catch on to the sarcasm. (Mind you, this is our second week of living together and we are still working our the little annoyances. Ladies, if you have any advice at all, PLEASE help me!). Two days ago, Tim came home from work and put his gladware container he had for lunch in the sink. Thanks to my random OCD moments, I decided to clean up his tiny mess in the sink. So, I opened the gladware container and found the following...
Yes, friends! That is a fork and a perfectly good one at that. OR more like it was a perfectly good one at one point before two days ago. Tim's reasoning: I had to find a way to make it fit into the container so I bent it. Seriously! Who does that? OH WAIT! That's right...a "Man's Man." The kinda of guy who thinks he is being really smart about what he just did even though it may seem completely disturbing to a normal human being. So my response to him was that it is now his official work lunch fork because I will no longer take my silverware being destroyed for the sake of this mans appetite and twisted brain. He claims he can't eat with a fork like that...I proved him wrong. And at the end of the day, you can't help but give props to the guy (although I would never admit it to his face), for finding a way out of his 'no-lunch box/bag' dilemma. At least he is different. Different is a good thing...right??

Yours truly,

The girl with one less fork (Megan)