Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Hello, Hello everyone!! There is one week left until Christmas, and since I will be leaving town early next week to go visit family, I will not be able to post anything. So on the topic of Christmas, I'd like to invite you into our home during this SPECIAL holiday. SPECIAL holds many meanings for this blog because of the following: It's my man's and my first Christmas together in our home, this is the first time I have put up a real tree since I was little bitty, this was the first time I got to put decorations up both inside and outside of the house, AND because the majority of the ornaments on the tree were hand picked individually by me and my man.

If you didn't catch that last part of the last sentence, please re-read it....and ask yourself why I would allow HIM to pick ornaments?? OR why would I let him go shopping with me?? Maybe you can help me figure out the answer, because I sure as heck don't!

Exhibit A: These are the types of filler ornaments we used. They are simple, elegant, and do the job.

The following of which you are about to view is the mistake of allowing my man to roam the store and ALLOW him to pick out special ( in hopes that they are pretty, sweet, elegant...etc.) ornaments for our tree that will make it more personal. Well, it was personal all right.

Exhibit B: What you don't want your man to come back with (MINE DID!). A pink flamingo with a cocktail and a HOT PINK polka dot chicken with acutal feathers on it...UM YUCK!

What in the heck was I thinking letting him help me with shopping?!?! Your guess is as good as mine. Although my tree is now festive and makes me want to enjoy what that flamingo is drinking (in hopes that it will blur my image of what they really look like, into something more "fancy")...I'll be slightly happy to see these boogers get packaged up for a year. Having them around, however, reminds me constantly of my ever so humorous man who enjoys a good laugh or two even at my expense. You gotta love em ladies....you just gotta love your men!

Enjoy your Chrismas everyone!! And have a drink...on the flamingo!

Cheers,

The girl without a traditional Christmas ornment (Megan)

Chance Encounter II

It didnt take me long to self destruct. I had a great job that any other smart person would have taken care of. But i had just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years, I was makin the kind of money that most of my friends parents were making, and I had too much free time. I need structure. And I need rules. And at that time in my life I needed someone to sit me down shake the shit out of me and tell me to get my act together. Before I knew it I had lost my job, I was on the verge of losing my house, and i was going broke. But that didnt stop my partying. I realized quick that i needed to work so I used my charm and out of desperation, I got a job at a staffing agency as a receptionist. I hated it and I was getting paid less than half of what I was getting paid at my previous job. I had to bite the bullet though if I wanted to keep living on my own and supporting my party habits. The first few days werent bad. I hated answering the phones but i wasnt above any of the work I had to do. Alan started working there a few days after me. Haha I knew right away he was related to Russell. Those boys have a certain look to them. Its hard to miss. He introduced himself and I asked if he had a brother named Russell and wouldnt you know Russell was his baby brother. Nice. Our conversation about Russell lasted a whole ten minutes. I told him about my crush on Russell. He told me about an incident that involved Russell, that best friend of his my sister used to date, and a gun. My heart hurt for him and the situation he had been in but Alan said he moved to Missouri or Maryland somewhere along those lines to get away and out of trouble. He was a runner. One thing we had in common already. Alan was nice and he made that job a little easier to bare. But I didnt stick it out more than two weeks there and I didnt pursue Russell any futher. I had guys within a stones throw why would I want a guy that lived in Massachusets? That next month of my life was a blur. I ultimately made the desicion to move to south Texas with my parents. It was a choice that im positive saved my life...TBC

-Mandy Blake

Where did I go wrong???

For starters, sorry bloggers for Mandy and I being M.I.A. over the past couple of months. School started for us and well....it got the best of us as you can tell. But now it's holiday time and we can catch up on things. That is if anyone is still reading this.

I was originally going to start off this blog with my first Man's Man Christmas stories so far...but last night I expienced something that MUST be told right now. Enjoy my letter. Yes I said letter.

Dear Hot water heater/Shower Duo(Team...whatever!),

I clean you. I keep you from being covered in the daily black grime that is attached to my man. I apologize for his dirtiness by the way. I can't even stand it at times. I make sure you look beautiful on a daily basis (or atleast try...living with a man makes it hard at times). I unplug your drain hole daily. I keep your shower curtain placed nicely both while showering and when not. I pick up after my man when he leaves his empty soap bottle and bundled up wash cloth on your bottom. But most of all....

I don't expect much out of you. Just that you help me clean myself. AND I hope and pray every night that you will make my experience enjoyable by providing me with a nice hot shower, during these exceedingly FREEZING months most of all! And when that handsom, loving man of mine decides to shower first and use whatever luke warm you are able to provide during this winter season, I hope that you will be able to surprise me with the gift of a hot shower (after all I do take care of you). Whatever the case may be, you have failed me...repeatidly, and last night was the last straw. Did I do something wrong???

Last night took me for a complete spin howerver when you gave me nothing but a cold shower...after this was done to you?!?!?!?



Yes...you lovely duo...that would be the work of my Man's Man. For some odd reason he has decided that the wash cloth rack and the bottom of the tub are no longer good enough places for his wash cloth. Instead he has found a way to magically hang it up on your gorgeous cream colored walls that I scrub. Is this how you want to be treated? Like you are nothing...after you give him the best showers ever and leave me hanging (sorry no pun intended). I don't know if you and I can keep this relationship going any longer. Enjoy being humiliated, used, and abused (My man found this very humurous by the way!).

Sincerely,

Your previous maid....the girl without her hot shower
Megan

(PS-You know you live with a Man's Man when he thinks its funny to hang wash cloths like the above example...mind you its been holding that position for almost 24 hours now. I don't know whether I should be impressed or really grossed out. I guess if he finds humor in it, that's all that really matters. NOT!!! I still want my hot shower!!)

The following is an e-mail Mandy sent me after I told her of my shower occurance...enjoy ADULT crowd:

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.